Right timing in relationships feels elusive for most singles on the hampster wheel of online dating. In fact, many women approach Kelleher International after getting fed up with the insanity of the chase.
As matchmakers, we meet amazing women doing extraordinary things with their lives. But finding a loving partner who is ready, willing, and emotionally able to meet them where they are is challenging.
“Bad timing in relationships is one of the biggest benefits of using a matchmaker,” says Kelleher International CEO, Amber Kelleher-Andrews. “Our clients are actively seeking their life partner so that question isn’t looming over the date. Everyone is already on the same page in that regard. They simply show up and explore the connection.”
When you’re dating – ease of being, a magnetic connection, and physical chemistry seem hard to find. And when you finally feel that trifecta with someone, it’s both an exciting and scary thing.
If you’re of a hopeful mindset and ready to meet someone it’s an exciting place to find yourself. If, on the other hand, unresolved issues and skeletons line your closet, then those positive vibes get buried under fear and negative thoughts.
This person seems too good to be true. Something’s got to be wrong with them.
Uh oh. This person is end-game material, and I’m not ready for that yet. I’ll probably screw it up anyway so I might as well end things before they begin. I’m doing both of us a favor.
It’s inconvenient how awesome this person is. The timing is terrible! I don’t have it all together yet.
We all want to be seen and appreciated but sometimes panic when we are. And just like that, shut the door on potential and blame it on timing.
The truth is that timing in relationships gets way more focus than it deserves. Relationships are complicated and will shape-shift throughout two people’s connection. Time is the least complicated part of it all – your days in this life are finite — the end.
“The ‘it’s not the right time’ excuses I typically hear involve kids, work, or emotional exhaustion of putting yourself out there on dates,” explains Kimberly Colgate, Kelleher’s director of matchmaking.
Finding balance while exploring a relationship and facing shadows isn’t easy. It can be painful when you’re in the thick of it. The natural tendency is to shut out romantic love when things get tricky. But the reality for most of our clients is things likely will never slow down. There can always be an excuse to be too busy to date or explore a relationship if you let there be.”
Since you won’t be around forever and you won’t always be at your best why not be brave in the moment?
Certain truths can help lighten that load. The truth that none of us will ever figure it all out. That we won’t always say or do the right things. Or like everything about the people we love. There’s no such thing as your “perfect” match. And you may never be your definition of relationship-ready.
But you can certainly find a highly compatible co-pilot that brings you joy and makes you better at navigating it all.
Because life isn’t guaranteed, when you meet someone who stirs feelings you’ve kept buried inside, instead of running from them stop and figure it out. Your instinct might be to ghost them and retreat to the familiar space of not feeling the heavy stuff and binge watching Game of Thrones. But ghosting and isolation don’t feel good to anyone, and it certainly isn’t courageous.
There are so many beautiful reasons to choose courage over comfort in this life.
Be brave. And be kind to yourself as you acknowledge the emotions and old memories coming up for you. The past is over and cannot be changed so explore your personal history without judgment. And don’t think you have to do so in isolation.
Talking to a friend or sibling who knows you deeply can help you explore your shadow side. Consider a good talk therapist if you’ve never really opened up to anyone and shared your feelings.
And maybe you courageously make efforts to demystify things for that “inconveniently awesome” soul who sees you and feels you pulling away for unexplained reasons.
Make space to be pleasantly surprised with the response you get from open, authentic communication. Calling yourself a bad communicator is an excuse to avoid the vulnerability of being seen. Just like with exercise, the discomfort of communicating subsides with practice. And the benefits can be felt physically, mentally, and emotionally. You’ll sleep better, have more energy and better sex. You’ll likely feel more creative and inspired in your work. And you’ll undoubtedly experience more confidence in your connections.
“The truth is that timing in relationships will always be right when you find the right person, but you have to find the right you first,” says Kimberly. “You being one hundred percent okay with yourself will create space for you to be wholly happy with someone else. If you only like yourself half the time that is what you will attract.”
Choosing personal growth makes every other decision in your life easier to make. Micro choices become clearer making the macro of your life come into focus.
And you might discover that “inconveniently awesome” soul arrived right on time.
One final thought for those of you who identify as “inconveniently awesome.” Keep showing up. Continue putting yourself out there. Don’t question your value or settle for less than or give into the negative chatter that you’re too much. There are incredible men (and women) waking up every day deciding to do the work of living their best life. They want to share their experience with someone just like you. When those energies align, you’ll spiral right into each other, and it will all be worth the wait.
If you find yourself tired of navigating the murky waters of online dating, consider using a matchmaking service like Kelleher International. Timing in relationships doesn’t have to be an issue if you’re ready to meet the one. Give us a call to learn more.