Shifting the ‘Out of My League’ Perspective

When suggesting a match to a Kelleher International client, we sometimes get the response, “She’s out of my league.” As matchmakers, we invite those clients to choose a better perspective. And then we coach them through the process of getting there. If you’re guilty of the ‘out of my league’ mentality, this blog is for you.  

“The ego is a powerful force and can sabotage even the best potential match,” explains Kelleher Matchmaking CEO, Amber Kelleher-Andrews. “A gorgeous woman might trigger feelings in a man of not being good enough. Unfortunately, the ego’s fear of rejection often leads to men [or women] taking the easy way out by never exploring the connection.”

In life and love, we reap what we sow. You’ll get back what you’re willing to invest – time, energy, compassion, vulnerability, connection, trust.

Knowing that the most significant step towards shedding the ‘out of my league’ perspective is to realize we’re all seeking the same basic things: love, acceptance, and belonging. And, we all have egos that want to avoid the pain of rejection.

The ego can paradoxically drive a wedge between you and the things you want the most if you aren’t paying attention.

The best way to check the ego is to recognize your worth and celebrate your authenticity. By doing so, you’ll cultivate confidence in who you are and the value you bring to a potential match.

Don’t let fear hold you back from exploring a potential match any longer.

If there’s a man or woman on your radar that you’ve deemed ‘out of my league’ we encourage you to have an inner dialogue to get to the root of the notion. Ask yourself why you think that. And then be still and listen for your inner guidance.

If your feelings of inferiority are based solely on looks, remember that a picture doesn’t tell the whole story. By zeroing in on someone’s outward appearance, you’re completely writing off the most critical aspects of a genuine connection with your ideal partner.

Looks fade. Personality and core values are forever.

Before you proclaim that a person is out of your league, consider that you’ll never honestly know if you’re a match until you meet them. Physical attraction is important but objectifying someone’s looks devalues their personality and core beliefs – the things that will ultimately make or break your romantic connection.

Each of us is deserving of love, acceptance, and belonging.  And we all put our pants on one leg at a time. Everyone has moments of insecurity and weakness. Even the wealthiest, most successful and attractive people we know battle old emotional wounds and tired stories that don’t serve their highest good. Nobody is perfect.

Practicing self-love and acceptance of who you are and confidence in what you offer the world will naturally dissolve those “out of my league’ feelings. Of course, if you’re stopped in your tracks by a gorgeous man or woman, you might need to remind yourself in the moment: Nobody is out of my league!

The best perspective shift in the moment begins with acknowledging your initial thoughts of this seemingly fantastic person. But then follow that up with a different internal dialogue instead. “This person appears to be fantastic! I’m curious to see if our values align and if our personalities are a match.”

Instead of wondering if you’re good enough for them shift the lens so as to discover if they are right for you.

If you need support on your journey to find the love of your life we’re here to help. Ask your questions for our Kelleher International matchmakers in the comments section below or send us a private message here.