Kelleher International Blog

Long Shots and Distance

Kelleher MatchmakingMatchmaking for some requires going the distance to find love. Kelleher clients who live in major metropolitan areas don’t necessarily need to engage in long-distance romance, but those living in smaller cities or towns must cast a wider net and we often present them with potential matches that require a hefty commute for the first introduction.

Long-distance matches can feel like a long shot for everyone involved and fear of rejection tends to be heightened. I’m making this huge effort, what happens if he’s not into me? Or I’m not into him? Should I even put myself out there like this!?

From experience, we’re here to tell you that it’s not impossible – we see long-distance love develop all of the time. If you’re contemplating a non-traditional romance the Kelleher International matchmaking team has some basic long-distance dating principles to keep in mind to set you up for relationship success.

“We see many creative ways people make the distance work,” says Kelleher matchmaker Patty Russell. “I worked with a female client in New Jersey and I found her match in Fargo, North Dakota. She’d embraced the mindset and willingness to travel for love and was eager to do her part to make the relationship work once they realized there was indeed a connection. The couple traveled to see each other whenever they could and eventually bought a place together in Florida. The thing that makes this and other long-distance matches work is flexibility.”

When a person is genuinely open to going anywhere and relocating if they meet their “One” the matchmaking experience can be a fun adventure for both them and the matches they meet along the journey.

Kelleher matchmaker Molly Davis explains, “One of the perks of long-distance dating is the concentrated quality time when you are together. Dating can become an auto-piloted activity when you take for granted the close proximity or “easy access” to your love interest. When the relationship spans time zones, effort from both parties is key to making the connection happen.”

Keeping a hopeful and playful perspective also serves long-distance lovers well. Molly adds, “My KI clients share with me the fun of the anticipation of each meeting. Choosing to see the distance as exciting instead of upsetting is crucial. Success lies in creative experimentation rather than simply wishing to be closer. I encourage clients to experience different environments and activities as a couple to figure out what may ultimately work for them in the future if they decide to take things to the next level and one or both relocate to be together.”

All the problems that we see in the early stages of dating are amplified when the match is long-distance – communication, chemistry, timing, and follow-through.

Kelleher International matchmaker Erin Soskin says, “Communication both with yourself and your potential match is key. Be clear that you are both indeed interested in beginning a relationship with someone. When that’s clear recognize how it feels getting to know them. Do you feel energized and intrigued? Notice which important qualities they bring out in you; do you feel light, engaged, safe, nurtured… whatever it is, take note. And don’t be afraid to show a little vulnerability, but be mindful that desperation isn’t part of your nonverbal messaging.”

Erin recently had a client traveling internationally for an introduction and was apprehensive about making the trip because she didn’t think the guy “sounded” very excited to meet her. He’d independently said the same thing about her.  And strangely enough, they’d both told their matchmakers they were indeed excited to meet one another. So what gives?

“In long-distance romance, anxieties and insecurities are tenfold,” Erin reminds. “It’s important to realize that connections are formed over the course of the first few introductions and we all reveal who we are differently. So when you’re first getting to know someone’s communication style, making assumptions about their interest level from a few texts or calls can cause you to make a premature decision you may regret later. Time and distance give us ample opportunity to overanalyze the relationship or lack thereof. It’s important to remember to be confident and keep perspective when frustrations and insecurities arise with a potential partner.”

There’s a logical way to keep said insecurities at bay for both parties and that is transparent follow through.

“If you’re the type of person who is slow to make plans then don’t exclaim at the end of the date that you can’t wait to see the person again. They’ll expect a quick follow-up and when you don’t that sends a message of rejection. Instead, I encourage you to keep the lines of communication open and utilize those micro-moments in your day between meetings or activities to let your long-distance love interest know you’re thinking of them. Maybe you float ideas for your next rendezvous or send them a quick picture of where you are and what you’re seeing that makes you think of them. Follow through ensures the relationship doesn’t fizzle before it gets a chance to start.”

Are you contemplating a long-distance relationship or struggling to make one work?

If your relationship feels like a long shot, let the Kelleher Matchmaking team help you go the distance. Comment below with what is or isn’t working in your long-distance love and our team of matchmakers will weigh in with their insight.