Considering Long-Distance Dating

Talking through the pros and cons of long-distance dating is second nature to us at Kelleher International. And we agree that long-distance relationships are challenging but not impossible. 

“As matchmakers, we’ve experienced so many potentially great matches never meet because of the miles between them, says Kelleher International CEO, Amber Kelleher-Andrews. “But just as many fall head over heels because they are willing to go the distance. We’re navigating, but you’re in the driver’s seat, so the final decision to explore a long-distance match is up to you.”

Decide if you’ve got what it takes to embrace long-distance dating with these insights from client experiences and our Kelleher matchmaking team.

A recent client was matched with a woman who like him has ties to two cities. He happened to live in one and she in the other. The only thing standing between their introduction was a two and a half hour flight.  

“When he hesitated I told him everyone wants to discover love in their backyard. But sometimes you’ve got to go the distance, figuratively and literally,” matchmaker Nahla Grafer explains. He hired us to make solid introductions, and though the logistics weren’t convenient, they certainly weren’t impossible. I reminded him to be open and playful with the process, and to trust me.”

Why should you consider a long-distance match?

“So many of our Kelleher clients do have the time and resources to pursue a long-distance relationship. I have to remind them that distance isn’t hard, but finding the right match is,” reflects matchmaker Sherry Allen.

“If my client is resistant at all, I remind them of things they’ve shared with me – like all of the travel they enjoy or the adventures they claim to love. I also remind them of the privilege they have of casting a wide net in their search for love, something most people can’t afford. We have a wealth of exceptional clients nationwide, why would they want to limit themselves?”

What reflective questions should you consider before jumping into a long-distance relationship?

According to Kelleher’s director of matchmaking, Kimberly Colgate, there are three fundamental questions to consider before long-distance dating. 

#1 What are your long-term goals? 

Do you see yourself living on a beach and your long-distance match is in Chicago with no chance of relocating? Both of your long-term life visions must be in sync for the relationship to go the distance.

I’ve had many clients get wrapped up in “The Bachelor” effect. When they’re together on the weekends, it is all sunshine and roses. They hit the pause button on life and get wrapped up in each other. It makes for a fantastic love story that is captivating and all-consuming – until it is time to get off the island and face the realities of life. Some couples can work it out and make it last. For many, it naturally fizzles because the long-term goals outweigh the romance. 

#2 What type of connection do you need? 

I often talk to clients about what a relationship looks like to them and what they seek in a romantic partnership. It is essential to ask yourself if you are okay not having a person available to you 24/7. For some, this works.

I had a recently divorced client in her mid 40’s with a thriving business and two young kids. I set her up with a single dad in a similar situation who was around her age. For them, the LDR worked because they would meet when neither had their kids. And in-between visits they focused on other facets of their life. Both were just out of marriage and still handling the outcome of their divorces. This was the best case scenario for this period of their life.

#3 Where are you emotionally right now?  

Long-distance dating can be complicated. It takes trust, confidence and some emotional maturity. These are critical factors to building any relationship, but for an LDR these components are stretched, challenged, and tested on a larger scale.

When you start long-distance dating, the pace of the relationship can hasten, and expectations can build. There is an underlying level of pressure to make each second together magical and meaningful and an urgency to share enough with each other to make it to the next rendezvous.

For some couples, this can really help to build a fantastic foundation. For others, this elevated level of emotion can put them in a tailspin. I like to remind clients to take a step back, go slow, and to remember the basics of dating.

I had a client three months into an LDR call me and say he wanted the girlfriend to move in with him. But she was pushing back on the idea. He said it was terrific when they were together. She sent him cute texts. They talked on the phone when they weren’t together. And she appeared to be making him a priority in her life.

I asked him how long he dated his ex-wife before they moved in – two years was his response. In his mind, that situation was different because they were nearby and could see each other every day if they wanted.

I quickly highlighted how easy it is to get swept up in the romance of a long-distance connection. But we still need to consider the basics – and in this case, it was premature, it had only been three months.

Is there an advantage to having physical distance in a relationship?

Sometimes distance can work to your advantage. It’s true that absence makes the heart grow fonder,” reflects KI matchmaker, Patty Russell. “At Kelleher, we match so many people that live in different parts of the country, and they make it work. When a romantic relationship is the missing part of your life, you do what it takes. You make every moment with your partner the best possible.

I believe people make long-distance relationships work if the connection is worth it. I worked with a woman who lived in New Jersey while her match lived in Fargo, North Dakota. They traveled back and forth for two years before buying a place together.

If either party is willing to relocate, long-distance dating is worth taking the chance. You never know what might happen if you stay open to the possibilities.”

Ultimately, going the distance is up to you. 

But if you work with the Kelleher International team, we’ll support you through long-distance dating every step of the way. Give us a call to learn more.