The Art of Flirting

Are you a good flirt? Flirting plays an integral role in the early stages of establishing and building a relationship.

Dating is chock full of unspoken rules. At Kelleher International, we think the importance of flirting might be the most refreshing rule of them all!

The art of flirting provides adults an outlet to be a little mischievous and have fun. So the KI matchmaking team is demystifying the when, why’s, and how’s of flirting.

Are you ready to flirt like a pro and elevate your dating experience?

Why do we flirt?

It’s important to understand the different motivations for flirting for a couple of reasons. First, so you can be clear with your intention for flirting with another. And second, so you can unpack the reason someone might be flirting with you.


  • Flirting can express one’s desire to transition a connection from friendly to romantic
  • Flirting is a way to gauge if someone is reciprocating the romantic interest you’re feeling
  • Flirting can strictly be a sport – a light-hearted, fun, and playful engagement with no expectations
  • Flirting can have an agenda – to get something – a drink, special treatment, a favor
  • Flirting is a way to boost self-esteem and raise the vibration of the giver and receiver
  • Flirting is a way to signal physical attraction or to engage sex
  • Flirting can accomplish a combination of the above at once

It’s important to note that teasing isn’t flirting. A tease stokes desire in someone else and entices them with no intention of reciprocating.

Kelleher CEO, Amber Kelleher-Andrews advises, “It takes more creativity and care, but I urge you to practice flirting honorably. Consider the aspects of the match you find most attractive. And the qualities they possess that stoke your desire to be intimate with them. You can flirt respectfully and be super sexy at the same time. Use your imagination! Whatever you do, don’t be crass with someone you don’t truly know yet. It can oftentimes be a major turn-off.”

When do we flirt?

Flirting can pay off big when you’re unsure of someone’s feelings. It often feels more natural and less awkward to discover the answer through flirting rather than directly asking if the person is into you or not.

Good flirting signals reassurance in the match and will generate confidence when the act is reciprocated. Good flirting can also inspire someone to believe more firmly in their likeability both physically and emotionally. It’s all about building confidence in both self and the connection.

It’s natural to ebb and flow in our feelings of worthiness. And when we’re feeling less than, it’s easy to project an attitude of not good enough out into the world. Flirting is essential to remind ourselves and each other that we’re worthy of romantic connection.

And flirting can be a fun way to communicate something you like or find exciting about your potential match.

How do we flirt?

Flirting like a pro takes confidence.

Matchmaker Nahla Grafer explains, “One of the keys is to get out of your head and into your heart in the moment. Flirting is a dance combining feelings, looks, laughter, and both verbal and non-verbal information sharing. If you’re in your head, you can’t keep up or “hear” the unspoken conversation happening.”


  • Smiling
  • Eye contact when speaking
  • Starting a conversation (as an introduction to someone new)
  • Playful banter – keep it light
  • Giggling, laughter
  • Open body position – facing the person, leaning in rather than out
  • Holding someone’s gaze
  • Frequent glances
  • Light touching – casually touching their arm or brushing up against them in passing or while walking together
  • Hair twirling
  • Weaving compliments into your conversation
  • Lowering the tone and volume of voice can spark a sexy mood

If you’re not confident flirting, KI matchmaker Lizzy Solomon suggests, “Improv classes are a great training ground for flirting. Playful banter requires you to hone your listening skills so as to volley and make non-linear connections more easily in the moment. Developing sharp conversation skills will certainly level up your flirting game.”

Kelleher’s Director of Matchmaking Kimberly Colgate adds, “To me, the nuanced art of flirting is hidden in the non-verbal communication. It is less about what you say and more about how you say it. Remember that eye contact, body position, and physical touch are just a few signals that can move things from a business meeting to romance.”

It takes practice to hone your flirting skills. Kimberly concludes, “A true master of flirting is aware of the other person, reads their cues in the moment, and confidently engages in witty banter and complimentary dialog.”

Consider the intimate, engaging, and necessary ways you can use the art of flirting to your advantage. And share any tips of your own in the comments section below.