If you’ve been burned in the early stages of a relationship, dating limbo can be an anxiety-ridden place to find yourself. 

At Kelleher Matchmaking, we understand that the newness of dating can be fun and exciting but also extremely confusing.

Kelleher International’s CEO, Amber Kelleher-Andrews, says, “It’s common to be unsure where you stand with your new match at the beginning of a relationship. In most cases, clients are dating someone who was a perfect stranger to them just a few months before. How you handle that dating limbo makes all the difference in how the relationship unfolds.”

Dating limbo only has the power you give it. So make friends with the uncertainty of it all. 

We’re sharing with you a few tricks we’ve learned as matchmakers to help you reframe your situation.

You’re both still figuring it out. 

The first few months of dating are about discovering compatibility. We’re talking everything from your first kiss or make-out session to having sex. Are you physically compatible? It’s your first sleep-over on a school night where you both have to get up and be somewhere the next day. Are your morning routines complementary? 

Shopping, cooking, and eating together reveals even more new things to you both. Can you work well together and compromise lovingly? And the very first road trip adventure or travel experience will disclose even more about your compatibility. Do you explore the unknown together with ease?

Understand you’ll have a lot of firsts together and then have time apart to process the experience. So be open and pay attention.

Slow is smooth.

It can be a little rocky exploring compatibility. Just like with any climb, take it slow and be deliberate in your moves. Deciding on a romantic partner isn’t the sort of decision to rush.

Staying in dating limbo rather than rushing to a full-blown relationship too soon has its advantages. Deliberately exploring each interaction with your potential match will breed confidence in whatever decision you finally decide to make. 

“Ideally, you’re making room for an authentic connection with solid roots,” says Jill Kelleher, founder of Kelleher International. “Building the foundation of a meaningful and healthy relationship isn’t something to rush. Slow is smooth. And smooth is the best ground for building a happy, loving relationship.”

Patience is a virtue.

We all love instant gratification. It’s a cultural thing. But when it comes to choosing a life partner, it’s best to practice patience. Put yourself and your needs first while in dating limbo. And find the joy in taking your time through the process. Many coupled people look at their uncoupled friends with a twinge of jealousy for that freedom to go and do whatever – whenever they want. 

It’s okay to be a bit selfish while you’re discovering if you’ve met your match.

You are responsible for your happiness.

If you’re in dating limbo waiting for the other person to make you happy, then you’ve already lost. Nobody is responsible for making you happy but you. And having a full-blown commitment from someone you’re dating shouldn’t make or break your happiness. It certainly doesn’t define who you are or the value you bring.

You are worthy.

Often, in dating limbo, one person questions their value and worthiness of being with the other person. The ego might whisper that you’re not smart, successful, or attractive enough to be with the person. Or that your family might not be good enough or have enough money to date in their league.

Insecurity is a buzz kill. Rather than focusing on looks, achievements, and social hierarchy make time to understand the compatibility of your values. Everyone’s looks fade. Money can disappear in an instant. How you move through the world and handle life’s roadblocks is a better barometer for finding your match.

Don’t project. Ask.

Making assumptions and wondering doesn’t get you out of dating limbo. You are entitled to know where you stand with the person you’re dating. Especially if it’s been several months and things seem to be going well.

So many people walk on eggshells, afraid to ask where the relationship is going. Are you still dating other people? Are they? Is there apprehension on either side in stepping closer to commitment? Talk about it!

Be willing to start that tough conversation. Yes, it requires a deep level of vulnerability to put yourself out there and say what you feel. More people than you can imagine experience difficulty verbalizing what they want. And knowing there’s the potential to be rejected can make it even harder to speak up. 

But gauging where you stand is the most empowering part of the process. That gives you the power to decide whether you stay in dating limbo, take things to the next level, or move on in your search for love.

Are you casually dating someone and know they’re the only person you want to date? We encourage you to break the chains of dating limbo and have the conversation. And if you’re ready for someone new, consider calling Kelleher International to learn more about our exclusive matchmaking services.