How long has it been, months, years, decades? You forgot what it feels like to meet someone new. To be vulnerable. To have someone look at you with new eyes. If it’s been a long while then the rules have probably changed a bit. Have you forgotten how to make small talk? You hate small talk. You are intimidated by the prospect. But you are tired of being alone … and guess what? If any of these notions ring true, you are definitely NOT alone.
Luckily dating again doesn’t have to feel like jumping off a cliff head first into dark and murky waters. It can be more like dipping your toe into the shallow end of a warm, inviting pool at a spa or at a retreat. Yes, that’s an excellent place to start. “Self-care.”
“Remember, be true to yourself when putting yourself out there. And if you haven’t spent a lot of time cultivating you because of other commitments, there’s no better time than when you’re looking for the next love of your life.” says Amber Kelleher -Andrews, CEO of Kelleher International
Before you even think of putting yourself “out there” let’s take some inventory:
- Are you ready? Since you have gotten this far in reading this, we’re guessing YES!
- How do you feel about your physical appearance? Without judgement, be honest about what you can improve on. Can you fancy it up a bit? Is it time for a new hairstyle or a new “look?” This is a great time to reinvent yourself. Have fun with it. If it feels like work and unnatural for you, forget it. Relax and just be yourself. No need for false advertising.
- How do you feel about your lifestyle? Would you be willing to invite someone into your living room without having some explaining to do? How many cobwebs are under that couch, metaphorically speaking?
- Have you done enough personal “work” to know what you want and don’t want in a relationship? Are there things you have learned about yourself that you don’t want to re-visit? If you were in a bad relationship will you be able to side-step the same pitfalls?
Now that you’ve been honest with yourself and have gotten that much needed “me time”, you are probably feeling a bit more worthy, maybe even a bit more picky. Hone in on the qualities of a partner that are important to you. What behaviors and qualities are you looking to avoid?
Make two lists. Be practical. Take into consideration age, children, career, fitness, finances and hobbies. You will learn more about yourself as you make these lists. It’s a great exercise. If you’re a believer in the law of attraction, this is when the universe’s ears perk up as you start asking for what you want. This is when doors start sliding open, letting in the cool breezes of new beginnings.
- Meditate and breathe. This might sound kooky if you aren’t into this sort of thing, but it really does help to relax your mind and ease any anxiety you might have. This is also a good time to role play in your mind and to imagine things going well.
- Double check your appearance and feel confident in who you are.
- Be curious about the other person. Be a good listener. This might sound obvious but a lot of people get so worried about how they come across that they forget to be genuinely interested in what the other person has to offer.
- Remember your manners. Don’t be rude to the waiter. Be a gracious guest/host.
- Allow yourself to go with the flow. Try not to have too many expectations.
- Don’t overshare about every emotional journey you’ve taken in your life. Let the conversation develop naturally.
- Watch for red flags. If you are feeling uncomfortable, bow out politely. You’re old enough now to know better than to waste your time or someone else’s.
- Know your standards and boundaries beforehand and stick to them!
There are a lot of ways to meet people, but if you really want to take the stress off and know that you are being taken care of by the best of the best, Kelleher International is here for you.
We offer coaching, background checks, the best matchmakers in the industry and the largest database of exceptional singles in the world! You won’t have to worry about anything but showing up and being you. We can’t wait to help you get back in there!