Breaking up is hard to do and can be one of the most painful experiences in life. It can leave you feeling sad, lonely, angry, and confused. Feelings of rejection and even guilt can linger for a long time and it’s important to be kind and patient with yourself as you heal. And you WILL heal. It’s important to know that this pain will subside with time and that you will emerge a wiser, stronger version of yourself. No one escapes losing an important relationship in life. It is a universal tragedy that strikes all of us at least once in life. So, how do we hold ourselves when heartbreak comes knocking? We’ve gathered some helpful tools to help you cope.
Allow yourself to grieve
Losing a partner to a break-up can feel very similar to a death. In fact, the grieving process is the same. You most likely will experience all the stages of grief: denial, bargaining, anger, depression and finally, acceptance. Allow yourself to experience these stages and acknowledge them when they come up. Cry, scream, rant to a friend, let it all out. It’s important both mentally and physically to release these feelings and give them recognition. It might sound cliché, but listening to sad music can be very cathartic and help the tears to flow.
Cut off contact
One may be hopeful that they will be able to stay friends and that this person won’t be out of their life forever, but for the sake of healing there needs to be a good amount of separation. Unfollow them on social media and avoid places where you might run into them. Spend more time with friends and family. In fact leaning on friends during this time will help you to talk through it and get different perspectives that you might not have thought of.
Indulge in self-care
There will be days when you won’t want to get out of bed or take a shower. Allow yourself a few days of this. It’s completely normal. But don’t wallow in that for too long. Plan a spa day, buy new clothes, get dressed up and take yourself out. Looking good can elevate your mood and remind yourself that your are of value. Cook healthy meals for yourself, exercise, and get enough sleep. In fact, exercise is very therapeutic in releasing tension and can help you work through your thoughts while in motion. Read a great book or watch your favorite movie. Do things that make you feel good and help you relax. Meditation can be particularly helpful during times like this and the best part of meditation is that answers tend to come when the mind is quiet.
Sometimes break-ups can be so painful and the fallout so severe that people require medical attention and/or psycho therapy. There is no shame in asking for help. Make a doctor’s appointment to make sure the stress isn’t taking a toll on your health. There are also lot’s of natural supplements that can elevate your mood and help you sleep.
Rediscover your passions
A break-up can be a great opportunity to rediscover your passions and hobbies. Spend time doing things you love that you might have neglected during your relationship. Take a class, travel, or start a new hobby. This will help you get back out into the world and meet new people when you’re ready to date again. Enjoy the freedom of being able to do what you want, when you want, without checking in with anyone. Become your own best company.
Learn from the experience
Once you’ve had a little distance from the situation, it’s good to be reflective and think about what went wrong in the relationship and what you could have done differently. Be honest with yourself about your role. Is there a pattern going on? Are there lessons you can take with you to your next relationship so that you don’t keep making the same mistakes? This is a real growing opportunity. Use it to help you become a better person.
Finally, It’s easy to beat up on ourselves and blame ourselves and shame ourselves after a rough break up. It’s not helpful and will only increase your healing time. Be kind and gentle with yourself. Forgive yourself. Forgive your ex-partner. Let go of the past and look towards the future. Congratulate yourself on achievements big and small. Remember that healing takes time and it’s okay to take things one day at a time. With patience, self-care, and support, you can heal and move on to a happier and healthier you.
Here at Kelleher International Matchmaking Service we have certified Coaches to help you through the transition of breaking up and getting out there again. We’re rooting for you! Keep us in mind when your heart is healed and you’re ready to let a new someone into your life.