7 Steps to Build an Instant Connection on the First Date

First dates are full of uncertainty, but what if we could tell you how to click with someone almost instantly? Our matchmaking services are focused on finding someone who already shares many of your interests and viewpoints on the things that really matter. This sets you up for success from the very start and allows more room for the subtle art of connection. We have compiled our favorite tips and some scientifically tested psychological tricks to help you connect with your date right from the start.

Step 1: Pick the Place

Contrary to popular opinion, the location should be a place you and your date choose together. We recommend narrowing it down to a few places and then let your date make the final decision. This avoids awkward situations like mistakenly taking a vegetarian to a steak house. Be flexible in case your date has other ideas. Always have a secondary location in mind in the event that your date goes well and you want to spend more time together.

Step 2: Say Your Date’s Name

This is a subtle psychological trick that really works. Work your date’s name into the conversation a few times throughout the night. Using your date’s name helps build a deeply personal connection by recognizing their identity. This is the fastest way to get your date’s attention and is more likely to result in pleasant conversation for both parties.

Step 3: Break the Ice

If you and your date have an inside joke or if something funny happened while you were planning your date, feel free to bring it up and make fun of yourself. Studies show men prefer to date women who think they are funny and women prefer to date men who can make them laugh. Keep the humor light – the goal here is to establish a positive baseline and set up an expectation of fun when you and your date get together again in the future.

Step 4: Flattery

The key to paying your date a compliment is simply to be sincere. If your date looks amazing when they arrive, it’s okay to say so. Similarly, pay attention if your date has any special skills or goals they want to achieve. Validate their desires and speak up if you have similar goals for yourself. You may have more in common than you think!

Step 5: Delve Deeper

Avoid asking questions with yes or no answers and opt instead for open-ended questions that require a more thoughtful response. Ask follow-up questions to get a more in-depth idea of where your date stands on each topic. In most public social settings you would not bring up things like health, religion and sex, but on a date these are actually okay to discuss if you feel comfortable doing so. These are important ideas to bring up to help determine how alike – or different – you might be on the things that really matter.

Step 6: Touch

Touch your date’s shoulder or playfully bump into them as you walk side-by-side. There are endless excuses to get close to your date and test the waters to see if they might be interested in a first date kiss. Touch is critical in strong relationships, so use it to your advantage!

Step 7: Follow Up

Don’t worry about “rules” regarding follow-up. You don’t have to wait any designated number of hours (or days) to text your date and tell them you had a good time. In fact, it’s polite for both parties to thank their date immediately afterwards and then continue the conversation as it feels natural.