At Kelleher International, we may be the executive search firm for your love life, but after that, it’s your job to build a healthy relationship.
One of the most powerful ways to find and have a healthy relationship is to evaluate the stories we tell ourselves.
Stories have always played a significant role in the evolution of our species. Both memories and myth layer in the stories we hear and tell, and they become the fabric of our values. They define who we are, who others are, who we should be and date, what’s possible or impossible, why things happen, and what we think will happen in the future.
Religions, governments, communities, and families are built on storytelling. And so are our individual relationships.
The power of storytelling is that it creates a construct and establishes expectations for what’s to come. So it’s important to reflect on your own.
What stories do you tell yourself about your current or future partner and healthy relationship?
Spoiler Alert: The better the story, the more evidence you’ll find of a happy and healthy relationship.
“If you don’t currently have a positive, hopeful story about your romantic partnership it’s time to create a different story,” says Kelleher International CEO, Amber Kelleher-Andrews. “This alternative story may or may not be true right now, but it will certainly help you get unstuck and create space for a healthy relationship.”
“I was recently talking to a group of women about the stories we tell ourselves,” explained Amber. “One of the ladies was about to celebrate nine years with her partner. She said she still sees him as the man in the story she told herself about him. Survey says: It works! Conversely, so do the negative stories work.”
If your relationship isn’t in a happy, fulfilling place, consider a new, empowering story for yourself and your partner. The story doesn’t need to be about who you both are now but rather who you could be.
Keep it short and sweet – a few sentences that you can write repeatedly. Let the story be something you can easily repeat to raise your vibration and feel inspired. Focus on how you want to feel in the relationship – safe, loved, heard, seen, etc. And how you want your partner to show up for you – supportive of your career and personal goals, an equal partner in life, active parent, family-centric, etc. Be sure to include the things each of you already does that makes you loveable, supportive partners. And then explore both of your potentials.
What could your healthy self, partner, and relationship look like?
What is your healthy relationship story?
Get out your pen and start writing. And remember, a healthy relationship isn’t a destination. It will always be a work in progress. So as the story unfolds, don’t be afraid to make edits.
As matchmakers, we challenge you to be aware of the stories you tell if you want to manifest a healthy relationship. And when you find yourself telling a story that feels terrible, stop saying it. And explore this exercise instead. The alternative is to take a backseat in the creation of the story of your life. But why keep doing what you’re doing if you see evidence that it’s not working?