By Danielle Andrews
If you asked Michael this question he might look at you as if you had two heads! In the first episode of “Love on the Spectrum, Australia” Michael takes out a wooden plaque carved in the shape of a heart he’s had made for his future wife. “I’ve already decided on the perfect wedding ring for my partner, in the form of a crown, to signify that she will be my ‘Queen’ per se.” For him chivalry is very much alive and he can hardly wait to meet her so he can put it to good use.
Dating today is a fascinating dance, shaped by shifting societal norms, evolving gender roles, and the ongoing conversation about what it truly means to be respectful and kind. The term “chivalry” often sparks debate. Is it an outdated relic, or does it still have a place in how we connect with others? Let’s explore the state of chivalry in modern dating, what women and men expect from each other, and how these expectations influence today’s relationships.
The Meaning of Chivalry from the Past to the Present
Chivalry originated as a medieval code of conduct for knights, marked by courtesy, courage, and a dedication to protecting the vulnerable. For generations, people associated the term with traditional “gentlemanly” acts in the context of love and romance, such as opening doors, giving up a seat, or offering a coat on a cold night.
However, as Bob Dylan once crooned, “The times they are a-changin’.” Gender roles have become more fluid, autonomy has become key, and mutual respect has taken center stage. Still, many people wonder whether chivalry is becoming obsolete or is simply evolving into something new.
What Women Want: Respect and Equality
Modern women desire equality in relationships, but that doesn’t mean they don’t want to be cherished. The key difference is intention. Is a man holding the door because he respects the person behind him, or because he assumes she’s incapable of doing it herself? Is he offering to pay because he wants to treat her, or because he feels obligated by old gender norms?
Women today are asking for thoughtful chivalry—not performative acts rooted in outdated expectations. They want gestures that reflect mutual respect, care, and attentiveness. A man who listens, validates her opinions, and shows up emotionally is often more appreciated than one who simply pulls out a chair. The modern woman isn’t rejecting kindness—she’s rejecting obligation-based kindness.
Real-World Voices
A recent Reddit thread on modern chivalry highlighted these sentiments:
“I’m happy if he opens the door, but I don’t need to be rescued. Just treat me like a partner, not a damsel.”
“Chivalry isn’t dead, but it’s evolved. I don’t need someone to pay for everything; I just want respect.”
“Chivalry is not dead, but I don’t want to be treated like I’m made of glass. I want to be treated like a queen, yes, but one who’s already wearing her own crown.”
Men Are Confused—And That’s Understandable
On the other side, many men are feeling uncertain. They’ve been taught that these gestures are the right thing to do, only to be told later that they’re patronizing or outdated. This shift can create genuine confusion. Some worry that their chivalrous behavior may be perceived as insincere or even offensive. Others fear being criticized no matter what they do—damned if they open the door, and damned if they don’t.
Many men still want to be protective, supportive, and kind—but they’re unsure where the line is between being a gentleman and being a chauvinist. And without clear communication, this uncertainty can lead to passivity or even withdrawal from romantic pursuits altogether.
The good news? Men don’t need to abandon chivalry—they just need to listen and adapt. The most attractive form of chivalry today isn’t rooted in grand gestures—it’s based on emotional intelligence, mutual effort, and authentic care.
What Evolved Chivalry Looks Like
So, what does chivalry look like in 2025? It’s a mix of timeless gestures and modern awareness. Here are a few ways it’s showing up:
- Opening doors—for anyone: A man might still open the door for a woman, but not out of obligation. It’s simply kind. And he’ll just as quickly hold it for a man, a child, or an elder. Chivalry, in this sense, becomes about general decency.
- Paying for dinner—with open communication: While some men still enjoy treating their date, many couples today have a conversation about finances. A man who offers to pay but respects a woman’s decision to split the bill shows adaptability and respect.
- Emotional presence: Perhaps the most meaningful form of modern chivalry is being emotionally available—listening without fixing, validating feelings, and standing by a partner during tough times.
- Supporting ambition: Encouraging a woman’s career, celebrating her achievements, and never feeling emasculated by her success—that’s chivalry evolved.
- Protectiveness without control: Offering to walk her to her car at night is kind. Assuming she wants you to and doing so without permission? Not so much. Chivalry should never veer into control.
Chivalry Is About Character, Not Gender
The evolution of chivalry reveals a deeper truth: it was never really about doors, coats, or checkbooks. It was always about character. Respect. Generosity. Honor. And these qualities aren’t gendered—they’re human. In many ways, we’re seeing chivalry become more inclusive, more thoughtful, and more mutual.
Women are embracing their own versions of chivalry too—offering to pay, supporting their partners, being emotionally attuned, and standing up for their men. In healthy relationships, chivalry flows both ways.
Concerns and Hope for the Future
Some fear that as traditional roles fade, romance will too. That if no one is “pursuing” or “wooing” in the classic sense, the spark might dim. But others argue that what we lose in formality, we gain in authenticity. Love becomes less about performance and more about partnership.
Chivalry isn’t about scripts—it’s about sincerity.
To the man wondering if he should still open the door: Yes—if you mean it. And to the woman unsure whether to accept it: Yes—if it feels good to you. The key is choice, not expectation.
Final Thoughts
Chivalry is not dead. It’s shedding its armor and stepping into a world where women don’t need saving but still appreciate kindness. It’s evolving from a set of gendered rituals to a shared language of respect and care.
As the late American Etiquette Expert, Letitia Baldridge succinctly put it: “Chivalry isn’t dead. It’s just no longer gender-based.”
Of course if you’re still looking for that special someone to share your life with, don’t put it off one more second! Contact us and allow our talented matchmakers to get to work on your behalf.
