By Molly Davis
Table of Contents
Many clients seek our matchmaking services after a breakup when they’re ready to move forward. Recovering from a broken heart is an arduous process that requires real emotional effort. Our team of Kelleher matchmakers have years of experience holding space for the broken-hearted while helping them turn the corner and get ready for love again with a renewed sense of hope.
Breakups can be one of the most challenging experiences in life, leaving us feeling lost, hurt, and confused. However, it’s also an opportunity for profound personal growth and transformation. When we’re willing to look inward, learn from our mistakes and grow, we emerge with more power, dignity and trust in ourselves, giving us more confidence and optimism for the future.
Here I’d like to share some advice we give our clients to help you move on and heal after a breakup, reclaim your power, and build a life filled with joy and purpose.
Acknowledge Your Feelings
The first step in the healing process is to acknowledge and accept your emotions. Allow yourself to feel the pain, sadness, anger, or whatever emotions arise. It’s natural to grieve the loss of a relationship. Embrace your feelings without judgment, understanding that they are a vital part of the healing process.
- Cry It Out: Put on that old sad record of breakup songs and allow the tears to flow. That means you as well gentlemen! A good cry and moving through the sadness is the first and most important step on the road to healing.
- Journal: Journaling is a powerful tool to help you access your emotions and make sense of things you may remain unconscious of without contemplation. It’s especially helpful if your ex is unwilling to communicate. You can write a letter to them just to get your true feelings out and then leave it unsent or literally burn it! Putting pen to paper can help you gain clarity while allowing you to purge toxic thoughts that can then be let go.
- Meditation: Practice mindfulness meditation to observe your emotions without getting overwhelmed by them. Sometimes answers come to us in a state of silence when we can stop the endless mind chatter and instead listen to what our hearts might be telling us.
- Talk to Someone You Trust: It’s always helpful to get a fresh perspective from a trusted friend, family member, or therapist. Talking it through with another person allows you to hear your own voice and to be heard without fear or judgement.
Set Boundaries
Set clear boundaries with your ex-partner to give yourself space to heal. Limited or no contact can help you regain your independence and focus on your own needs. Respecting these boundaries is essential for your emotional recovery.
Take Time to Heal
“The most important part of letting someone into your life is being complete,” says Kelleher matchmaker Patty Russell. “Many men and women come to us after a breakup or death of a spouse and think they are ready but learn there’s more healing to do.”
When you feel ready to date again, take things slow. Rushing into a new relationship can prevent you from fully healing. Allow yourself time to understand your needs and desires before committing to someone new.
Reconnect with Yourself
Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.
Albert Einstein
Breakups can often lead to a loss of identity, especially if you’ve been in a long-term relationship. Now is the time to reconnect with yourself and rediscover who you are. Reflect on your passions, interests, and values. This is an opportunity to build a stronger, more authentic version of yourself. What are some things you’ve been wanting to do that you are and now free and unfettered to explore? Make a list and create a plan to work toward these goals. This will give you a new sense of purpose and direction.
- Pursue Hobbies: Engage in activities you love or try new ones that spark your interest.
- Self-Care: Prioritize self-care routines such as exercise, healthy eating, and adequate sleep. Treat yourself to a personal spa day or a fishing trip. Most importantly, practice self-compassion and forgiveness.
- Set Goals: Define personal and professional goals that excite and motivate you.
Change Your Focus
What you focus on becomes your reality. If you constantly dwell on the past, you’ll remain stuck in a cycle of pain and regret. Shift your focus to the present and future. Focus on what you can control and take actionable steps towards creating a fulfilling life.
- Practice Gratitude: List three things you are grateful for each day. This simple practice can be profound and life-changing.
- Visualization: Visualize the life you want to create. Imagine yourself happy, fulfilled, and living your best life.
- Positive Affirmations: Use affirmations to reprogram your mindset. Statements like “I am strong,” “I am worthy of love,” and “I am moving forward” can be powerful.
Learn from the Experience
Every relationship teaches us something valuable. Take time to reflect on what you’ve learned from this breakup. Understand that these painful lessons are an essential part of helping you grow and avoid repeating the same patterns in future relationships.
- Reflection: Consider what worked and what didn’t in the relationship. What were the red flags? What will you do differently next time?
- Seek Feedback: If possible, have an honest conversation with your ex-partner to gain insights.
- Personal Growth: Read books, attend workshops, or seek therapy to enhance your understanding of relationships and personal development.
Surround Yourself with Positive Influences
The people you surround yourself with can significantly impact your healing process. Seek out supportive, positive individuals who uplift and encourage you. Avoid those who bring negativity or remind you of your past relationship.
- Build a Support Network: Connect with friends and family who are supportive and understanding.
- Join Groups: Participate in groups or communities that share your interests and values.
- Volunteer: Serving other people can help you take the focus off your own pain and provide connection and purpose.
Embrace Forgiveness
Holding onto anger and resentment can keep you trapped in the past. Embrace forgiveness, not just for your ex-partner but also for yourself. Keep in mind that forgiveness doesn’t have to be reciprocal, received or accepted by the other party. It is a conduit for letting go and moving on.
Focus on Your Future
I always get to where I am going by walking away from where I have been.
A. A. Milne, Winnie the Pooh
Healing takes time, and it’s important to be patient with yourself. Focus on positive affirmations and surround yourself with uplifting influences. Remind yourself that this is a temporary phase and that you will emerge stronger and wiser.
Move Forward with Confidence
You have the power to shape your destiny. Use this experience as a catalyst to become the best version of yourself and create a life filled with joy, purpose, and fulfillment. You are stronger than you think. Keep moving upward, and embrace the beautiful journey of self-discovery and growth.
When you think you’re ready to get back in the game, give us a call at Kelleher International. Our matchmakers and coaches are here to help you find lasting love.
